Meet my families

Back when my real family was cute!

A family is an interesting concept, with many different opinions as to what makes one. Aristotle argues that 'the family is the association established by nature for the supply of man's everyday wants.' It's a pretty cold definition which might be expected from someone who's been dead for 2.something millennia. The OED defines a family as 'a group consisting of two parents and their children living together as a unit'. In my experience it's a collection of people you are very close to, but not necessarily biologically related to, usually sharing the same living area. They're generally difficult to live with and impossible not to have, especially when it's a bad time. 

I consider myself to be extremely fortunate. My biological family are literally the best I've ever had. Jokes aside, they're fantastic, and I wouldn't be who I am without their constant love, devotion and bundling. Not only do I have this brilliant group of tall people that are related to me by science, I've also inherited a few other families along the way.

A travelling family

With any type of travel, you will meet other travelers (excepting, possibly solo unassisted sailing, and travel outside our atmosphere...although nobody has convinced me yet that outside contact has not already happened out in space). In Asia, everyone and their grandmother wants to be your friend. Sometimes an abduction adoption can take mere minutes when your cab driver decides you really need to see this amazing local attraction/shop/restaurant - and other times it can be an experience that takes weeks, or months, but stays with you for years. Some of these situations can become just another part of a travellers' daily life - the woman sitting next to you at the station who is desperate to feed you and see you safely on the way to your destination, despite dangerous language barriers that somehow result in you eating roast snake in a disgusting local concoction that brings tears to your eyes but you bravely force down whilst hiding the tears by smiling blindly at everything around you. And of course, ending up staying with said woman overnight as you miss your transport while you're busy throwing up. The other types of experiences are the ones I want to write about - the families I'm part of, at home with, and welcomed into anytime I should return.  

I've been adopted throughout my travels, more times than I can mention. Firstly in Burma, where I lived with a family in Yangon, despite the fact that my family were risking trouble with their government for hosting me illegally. Apart from the fact that it's plainly ridiculous for the government to regulate the visitors you can and can't have in your private home, it makes me feel warm to know that people who barely knew me at the time were willing to have me, despite the potential dangers to their safety. I imagine the attraction for them was the same for me - a cultural exchange, where we could ask, observe and learn about each others' lifestyles. They took me to Naypidaw, to stay in a tiny village with no electricity, or vehicles where we actually got into trouble with the local police/immigration officials who did not want me to stay with the family. They (the ten officials present) all took notes, by candlelight, as me and my family were asked every ridiculous question under the sun, and then some. After 90 minutes of this ridiculous façade, where they accused my lovely sister of taking me away from the other tourists for "mercenary" reasons (we suspect they don't allow home stays because it loses hotel tax money for the government) we were allowed to leave. I was escorted to an expensive hotel.

Eating with my brother and sister

Despite the problems we had I was so happy living in that simple Burmese home. To me it represented so much - the previously oppressed country had become free enough that I was able to be there. Not only that, but interacting with locals who mostly have never seen a Westerner before was an incredibly refreshing experience. Anywhere else on the tourist circuit of South East Asia - you step off the bus and the people who are hanging out to sell something spot you and make a beeline for you. In Burma, the people stopped pestering the locals just to stare at your white skin! They didn't even try to sell me any cigarettes. You can imagine what living with them was like - learning that my mother didn't believe me when I told them I had washed (Burmese people are so modest, that even when they are in a locked bathroom with four complete walls and a ceiling, they don't get naked to shower. They wear a longyi - something like a sarong - wrapped around their bodies which washes with them.) Every time I came out of the bathroom after a shower, my mother would expect to see wet clothes, which I always failed to produce. She would repeatedly ask me if I'd had my shower, even though I thought it was obvious because I'd just come out with wet hair and a damp towel. Eventually I had to resort to hand washing my clothes during my shower so she wouldn't keep asking. 

And of course, they wanted to know so much about my life in England - which team did I support, do my brothers look like One Direction and how much is a watermelon in England? Unfortuntely, I answered incorrectly, which meant that I had a 3.30am wake-up call to come and watch the live match between  'my team' and someone else - as if I know anything about football...naturally I declined and went back to sleep. I learnt how to cook some Burmese meals with my mother, got driven around by my father in his taxi (I also tried to drive the car...a right hand drive vehicle on the right hand side of the road which makes it a lot more complicated than normal driving) got taken to temples, parks, amusement arcades (my young brother) and had such a brilliant time with them that I nearly missed my flight out of the country.


Here on Furthur, the family is best summed up as,'...the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.' (Ugo Betti). For sure, this is a more accurate definition of the times we share, as a unit on this boat. My Furthur family is growing at a crazy rate - in the last eight months on board I've seen over 30 crew members come and go - sometimes they come for a week after we pick them up in a bar - and sometimes it's arranged through FAC and they stay for three months. Always interesting people, they come from a variety of different backgrounds and jobs in their real lives; teachers, translators, biologists, midwives, doctors, whale researchers, massage therapists and entrepreneurs. One of the translators, Siem, from Holland, recently adopted me as a 'younger brother', which meant actual beatings every day...I let her win sometimes.



One of the full boats we've had - with some great crew

Interestingly, many people assume on first meeting us that Brian and I are actually related - and that he is my real dad. Brian usually responds 'I must be hiding an exceptionally tall [beautiful, smart, lovely] wife somewhere in London'. Although this isn't  technically true (Brian admits he would probably raise serial killers if he was responsible for a kids' upbringing) I feel that that's the most accurate description of our relationship.

My Thai family are very close to my heart. They took me in whilst I was teaching at the same school as Kru Koy, a lovely young mother, who lived on 'the farm' with her parents, her husband, her aunt and uncle, and all of the assorted children and employees (it's actually a shrimp farm with a restaurant attached). It took me about 2 seconds to love the kids - Monster (actually named 'Mulberry' in Thai), brothers Beem and BenTen, their cousins, Til and Milk - an 18year old student who became my very good friend. I spent so many happy evenings playing with kids at the farm after school. There was always something going on that they wanted me to join in - a festival, a party, a religious ceremony, a birthday or a day trip. I had a very emotional day when I left Chiang Rai - not only did I have to say goodbye to all my students and fellow teachers, but also my wonderful family at the farm. I'm not sure I've ever been so sad. Most of my best memories from my time in Chiang Rai involve this collection of people.



After a night/day trip to see the sunrise at Phu Chi Fa, a nearby mountain

These are only three examples of the families I have found myself part of during every day of my travels. My biggest wish is to be able to return the hospitality someday - whether my entire families can visit London or not (or anywhere else I might be living) I would love to be able to host as many of them as can make it, and take care of them as well as they've taken care of me.